Tuesday, August 26, 2008

There's A Girl in the Castle!

Remember the scene from Beauty and the Beast when Lumiere and Cogsworth are freaking out because there's a girl in the castle?

That's what Dawson and I were saying yesterday when cousin Zoey came to stay with us! We're hanging out with her three days a week while Krystal goes to MTSU to finish up her teaching degree. I hope Zoe-Zoe had a good time and isn't going to need therapy.

"I'm innocent! It was Dawson!"

"Hey, Mom? You know that poopy smell? Well, it really was me. Not Zoey. Sorry."

"You're kinda cute. I guess I won't try to eat you. And? Can you believe she dressed us in coordinating Polo outfits? Gah. I say we mutiny and get our onesies back."


Zoey is two months old today! Happy Birthday, little princess!


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Drafts and Ducks and BEARS, Oh, My!

Saturday was a busy day!

I'll begin at the end...

Meagan and I met David, Chris, Megan and Web, Donnie, Rob...and a lot of other friends at Coach's Grille for our fantasy football draft.

Now...for those of you who don't know me very well...I LOVE FOOTBALL. Preferably college, but the NFL is great, too. I have been known to perch on the edge of the couch screaming, "GIT HIM!!! GIT HIM!!!" while pounding the knee, arm or head of the unfortunate person sitting next to me.

This was my first draft, so I was a little rusty in the beginning (thanks for the help, Meag!). But...I got first pick of the WHOLE DRAFT! So, guess who I chose??


Ladainian Tomlinson is going to win me some money, yo. Mama's going to make some bank.

My honey and I at the draft....

Me, Meag and Moo in our customary 3-shot...

We can't wait for the season to officially begin!

Now, read below to see what ducks and bears have to do with anything...

Meagan and I love being in the Junior League; we get to hang out together as friends, make new ones and help people - all at the same time.

One of the projects we signed up to help with was the "Duck Derby." Literally, hundreds of rubber duckies float down the Stones River - duckies that you would "adopt" for $5 each. Every duck you bought would be labeled with your number, and if your duck wins the "race", you get big prizes!

All of the money raised goes to the Child Advocacy Center. They provide services to children who are victims of abuse and they do an amazing job here in Rutherford County.

Meag and I at the Duck Derby. Bet you're wondering what that wee patch of yellow is behind us, aren't you?
Meag and our friend and fellow Jr. League-er Susan, making parking signs for the day's event...
Meag and her rubber ducky. Aren't they the cutest??
Remember the wee yellow patch from the first picture? Say hello to the largest inflatable yellow duck in the ENTIRE WORLD.
I don't know which is scarier. The bear or my hair. Part of today's set-up happened at the "Sportsman's Club" that's next to the river. It should also be called "The Stuffed Animal Cemetary" or "What PETA Advocates Have Nightmares About." There were 3 bears, numerous deer, birds and a wolf. All stuffed. All looking angrily at me while I sorted t-shirts.

The Duck Derby was a huge success!

Our next Jr. League fundraising event will be "Bowling to Build"...stay tuned!


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bachelor Party!

No, not that kind.

This kind!

ABC announced today that Jason is going to be the next Bachelor and I'm so excited!

If you watched last season, you'll remember him as the sweet, sensitive single dad who made it to the final two, only to be rejected by DeAnna. She opted for the long-haired snowboarder instead.

Yeah, I think she's totally insane, too.

The filming of Jason's season hasn't even begun yet, so I'm thinking it will be at least May before it's aired. Can you say "May sweeps?"

For all you local chicas who love The Bachelor, I will be hosting a "Bachelor Party" on the final episode and you're all invited! You non-local girls are invited, too, if you'd like to come!

All I can say is, "Jason, will you accept this rose?"

(He'd say yes. I know he would.)


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Random Revelations

I have been tagged by TWO of my sweet friends...and they're both the same question!

Meagan and Rachel W. both want to know 6 Random Things about me. So...here it goes:

1) I love Sharpies. The thin kind especially. I love the way they write, the way they smell and all of the delicious colors they come in. No matter what colors are in the card or stationary that you're sending, you will always be able to find a Sharpie that matches.

2) I watch Magnum, P.I. Every day. It comes on at 9 AND 10 a.m. on the Sleuth Channel. I love Tom Selleck, I love that it's in Hawaii, I love the corny story lines and the best part? The theme song! Duh! And I even love Higgins. Higgy-Baby? You made thin moustaches and highwaters cool.

3) I am addicted to cleaning supplies. I have a large collection under my kitchen sink. I like trying different scents of the same cleaner to see which one's best. Right now, I'm totally stuck on 409 Natural Stone Cleaner. I know. I'm weird.

4) I hate belts on women. I think they're dumb. If your pants don't stay up on their own, don't wear them. However, cute belted dresses are ok.

5) I know every line to pretty much every 50 Cent song there is. I'll leave you to mull over that one.

6) I LOVE ELVIS. I wish he was still alive so I could date him and marry him and cook him fried peanut-butter-and banana sandwiches. Then he could sing "Love Me Tender" in our white-carpeted living room before we hop a private plane to Kaui.

Was that random enough?

I tag: Megan, Leigh Ann, Rachel S., Betsy, Michelle, and Laura

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about myself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.


Saturday, August 16, 2008

Desperate Housewives?

It occured to me this past week, as I was changing my baby's diaper on my office floor (ick) and wondering if Eric would notice if the rental phone was tucked away in a drawer somewhere (kidding) (or am I?)...that I can't wait to be a stay-at-home-mom beginning Monday.

I seriously am going to hole up in my house and not leave. For an entire week. I will make exceptions to go to the Trifecta of Necessity: 1) Publix 2) Target and 3) the tanning bed, but other than that? Homegirl will be at home.

I am going to finish cleaning out/color-coding my closet, decorating my guest room and label my pantry.

No, you're not high. I really did say "label my pantry."

It will probably take a week to do those things because my boss is pretty demanding. You might know him:

He's pretty cute as bosses go, yes?

So to all you working moms out there, I salute you. I did it for 15 days and wanted to knife someone.

To all of you SAHM's...enjoy the following story I found on my friend Rachel S.'s site. Then go prop your feet up, eat some chocolate and read a non-parenting-or-child-oriented magazine.

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas,playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the frontyard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, sand and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today? I didn't do it.' "


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Birthday Beauties!

Two of my best girls celebrate birthdays on August 9th...Stephanie and Michelle!

We celebrated early on Friday with Aunt Steph at Camino...nothing says Feliz Cumpleanos like a little salsa and fajita action, si?
Hmmm. I'm not sure if she liked her gift. What do you think?
Then, we celebrated Michelle's late on Monday with lunch at Olive Garden. Dawson helped by telling her the specials.

Happy Birthday to both of you! I don't know what I would do without you!


Dawson is Seven Months Old!

Saturday marked the 7th month that our little man has been with us! He is such a sweet and funny baby...his personality and charm are hilarious! Enjoy some peeks into his little life...
Flirting with Aunt Moo...
Shopping with the girls...
Making a MESS....
His new favorite thing...riding in the laundry basket!
Eating any various part of your face...the nose is apparently the best part!

We love him and can't wait for more funny and lovable discoveries!


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

You Have GOT to be Kidding Me

Look, I know I was raised in the South. In a town the size of Mayberry. I have relatives who live in Manchester and I have fed cows on their dairy farm (feel free to pick yourself up off the floor anytime now).

However? I have a sense of decorum. Manners. Etiquette, if you will.

And so, it BLOWS MY MIND when I'm in a public place and people act like they were raised in a barn.

The Setting: Target in Murfreesboro (if Target were a person, I would cook it steak every night and tell it bedtime stories and make it cookies with the special heart-shaped cookie-cutter. That's how much I love it.)

Myself and Dawson, fully strapped in his newly wiped-down, antibacterialized buggy, are be-bopping our way down the light-bulb aisle when I hear,

"You know? Maybe we'uns should git a price check on that there kitty litter. That's too ----- expensive for ----- kitty litter."

Since this is a G-Rated blog, I'll let you imagine the adjectives the fine gentleman used. In a public place.

As my brain cells start to die, I peek down the aisle to see what I can only describe as Boss Hogg and Daisy shopping together for pet supplies.

There are cut-off jean shorts involved. I'll leave it at that.

Daisy is carrying a keg-sized Slurpee from the fine snack bar located at the front of the store; Boss is pushing the buggy that's currently loaded down with tire cleaner and a yoga mat. A yoga mat.

Yes, I looked.

If I had been driving a car instead of a buggy? You would've heard those squealing sounds as my tires burned rubber.

But wait. It gets better.

After I'd finished my shopping and stuffed my baby's ears with cotton balls, I headed to the check-out lanes to scout out one with a short wait. I'm making my way to said lane when I hear from about 2 yards behind me,

"Oooh, hurry, baby! Git in that one before that fancy lady gits there!"



Yes, they were talking about me. Apparently, I am fancy because I am wearing clothes that fit and I've washed my hair.

You better believe I pushed my buggy into that lane like a bat out of hay-ell. Dawson looked windblown by the time we came to a stop.

I proceeded to unload my buggy, with nary a comment from the Redneck Peanut Gallery. What I hadn't noticed before in the pet-supply aisle was that they had their daughter with them. She looked about six or seven and was actually wearing size-and- age-appropriate clothing.

They followed me out to the parking lot, and as they were parked a few spaces beyond me, they had to pass me in order to get to their car.

Boss started running toward their car..I mean, pick-up truck, and was taunting his daughter to catch him. Cute, I thought. At least what he lacks in manners he makes up for in fatherly fun.

My hope for his daughter was restored when, upon being pestered to chase him said,

"Awww, Diddy...stop it. I cain't run in a skurt."

My fancy-lady self hopped into my car and pulled away from Target, thankful that I was taught manners and personal hygeine.

By the way? They bought the kitty litter. The jumbo-sized bag.


"I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

and my agent....and my parents...and my 6th-grade English teacher...hold on, um, I wasn't done. You can't start playing the music yet!"

Squee!!!! I got a Blog Award!!

I am so way excited!

My sweet friend, Rachel, nominated me! Thank you for the award!

And - if you think I'm funny? And my kid is cute? You need to visit her site.


Does this mean I get to have an after-party?


Monday, August 4, 2008

I Promise I Went to College

And I even graduated! In three years, no less!

Somehow, in all those semesters, I failed to sign up for "Putting Kid's Toys Together 101."

This? Is what happened when I attempted to put Dawson's high chair together the first time.
Is it bad that he could be eye-level with an Oompa-Loompa?
Much better. Note the concentration, the skill. The precision.
And this? Is what a Rainforest Jumparoo looks like before it's put together. Somewhere, a wee Tawainese man is laughing himself stupid, face-first into his chop suey over the crazy white lady trying to read the directions and "insert and click" the curved tube into the base tube.
Success! Nevermind I almost lost my religion and nearly became a raging alcoholic.

What was that you were saying about the joys of parenthood?